Silly Sayings and Phrases
These classics are perfect for Silly Sayings Day! You can even use them this weekend when conversing with friends.
It’s raining cats and dogs
Look what the cat dragged in
The cat’s pajamas
The cat’s meow
Cat got your tongue?
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
Bats in the belfry
A dog is a man’s best friend
Hair of the dog that bit you
Bark up the wrong tree
Your chickens will come home to roost
Dont count your chickens before they hatch
High on the hog
Knee high to a gr hopper
Fly in the ointment
Snug as a bug in a rug
Like a bull in a china shop
Get your goat
Get off your high horse
Straight from the horses mouth
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
Chew the cud
You can lead a jack to water, but you can’t make him drink!
Long in the tooth
Off your rocker
Mind your Ps and Qs
Loose lips sink ships
Look before you leap
Tickle my fancy
Skip to my Lou
For Pete’s sake (who is Pete?)
Heavens to Betsy (who is Betsy?)
To h*?* in a hand basket
The jig is up
Face the music
Get your dander up
Fly by the seat of your pants
Head over heels
Beat around the bush
Short and Extremely funny Sayings
An empty gun makes the loudest bang!
Bite the bullet
The sky’s the limit
Kick the bucket
A drop in the bucket
Don’t spill the beans
Slower than mol es in January
A good man is hard to find
Three sheets to the wind
Alive and kicking
Dead as a doornail
Where there is a will, there is a way
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride
Rise and shine
Come in if your nose is clean
That’s the berries!
Don’t get your dander up
On cloud nine
On the wagon
Once in a blue moon
Go to pot
Bob: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.
—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
Clothes make the man. n*?*? people have little or no influence in society. —Mark Twain
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.
—Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld
Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room. —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
Very short funny quotes about life
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
—Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office
I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.
—Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’
Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley
—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.
Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.
—Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), n*?*? Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy
I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.
Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
—Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up
Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.
—Lessons from the Minivan
I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.
—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory
Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve. —David Letterman
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.
—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club
Usher: Bride or groom?
Wedding guest: It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!
—Four Weddings and a Funeral
Stan Fields: Describe your perfect date.
Cheryl: That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.
—Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality
I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
Lucy: There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.
Fred: Your feet?
—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.
—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers
If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised. —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later. —Mitch Hedberg
Short Funny Sayings about life and Quotes
There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.
—Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey
If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.
—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
—Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias
I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.
A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.
I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.
—Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm
As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
—Sir Norman Wisdom
That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.
—Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.
Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?
—Neil DeGr e Tyson
I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.
—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
My mother always used to say The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana. —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.
—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!
—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?
—Sh*?*ey Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.
Francois: Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Clouseau: The exploding kind.
—Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
—Tina Fey, Bossypants
- There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.
- Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.
—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory
I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.
—Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
Police officer: Pull over.
Harry: No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.
—Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber
I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.
If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.
—Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night
I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
Woke up today. It was terrible.
Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, bu*ter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.
I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.
—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal
My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.
—Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors
Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace
Brian: Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.
Crowd: Yes, we’re all individuals!
Individual: I’m not!
—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?
—Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.
—Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally
The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
—Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.
—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), S*x and the City
Cal: You are really pushing my bu*tons today.
Becky: Which one is ‘mute’?
—Waitress, the Musical
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.
I hope you have read all the funny quotes and phrases for silly sayings day. See you again in the next post.