130+ Best Vampire Puns and Jokes for Instagram Captions

Vampire Puns and Jokes for Instagram Captions

130+ Best Vampire Puns and Jokes for Instagram CaptionsPin
Best Vampire Puns and Jokes for Instagram Captions

Vampires are the stuff of nightmares, sure. But they’re also an excuse to make puns, and we don’t need any excuse to make puns! With the holiday season kicking off in full force, you’ll want to be able to share some spooky fun with all your friends and family on Instagram, and what better way than by using vampire puns? Here are 130+ of best vampire puns and jokes for Instagram, plus some of our favorite vampire jokes and memes to go along with them.

  • A vampire is very easy; you just take a very good-looking actor, put some teeth on them, make them pale, and you’re there.
  • A vampire may play with his food, but he never sets it free.
  • About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
  • All bats are off.
  • As you know, I can be a real pain in the neck.
  • Bat-ween you and me, I love vampires.
  • Be witched!
  • Becoming a vampire means completely changing your identity.
  • Boy Scouts and vampire slayers should always be prepared.
  • Bring a vampire around, people start discovering religion.
  • Count me in.
  • Cutest pumpkin in the patch.

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  • Death is the one predator we can’t escape. But vampires have found the loophole so many of us crave. I think that is the allure of vampirism.
  • Don’t be a fool for the Devil, darling.
  • Don’t worry, I don’t bite… more than once.
  • Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress.
  • Evil is like a Vampire. When you take arms against it and destroy it, you find in the end that you are evil too-that it is living on your own actions.
  • Excuse me while I sharpen my fangs for all the candy I’m about to eat.
  • Fangs a bunch for being my friend.
  • Fangs for the memories.
  • Fangs you very much.
  • Fangs, But No Fangs.
  • Fangs, but no fangs.
  • Feelin’ fang-cy.
  • Good thing trick-or-treating is at night, or I totally wouldn’t have been able to go.
  • Hanging Upside Down On The Monkey Bars Has Adequately Prepared Me For The Bat Life.
  • Hanging upside down on the monkey bars has adequately prepared me for the bat life.
  • Have a fang-tastic Halloween!
  • Having A Fang-Tastic Time On Halloween.
  • Having The Most Fangtastic Halloween With My Vampires.
  • Having a fang-tastic time on Halloween.
  • Hey boo-tiful.
  • Hope you have a bloody good time this Halloween!
  • Hot ghoul Halloween.
  • I Had To Switch To De-Coffin-Ated Lattes.
  • I Must Be A Vampire, Because I Also Love Sleeping All Day.
  • I am the monster that breathing men would kill. I am Dracula.
  • I could go for a Bloody Mary right about now.
  • I could go for a drink.
  • I had to switch to de-coffin-ated lattes.

Funny Vampire Jokes for Instagram

  • I know, I suck.
  • I think an obligatory “10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck” is in order for this vamp.
  • I took mythology a lot more seriously since I’d become a vampire.
  • I want to be a vampire. They’re the coolest monsters.
  • I was a newborn vampire, weeping at the beauty of the night.
  • I would go so far as to say that Halloween never ‘sucks’ for me.
  • If Vampires Really Sleep During The Day, Sign Me Up.
  • If You’ve Got It, Haunt It.
  • If You’ve Got It, Haunt Itrose Pressey

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  • If only my metabolism moved as fast as a vampire…
  • If the broom fits, fly it.
  • If vampires ever spend less time playing theatrics and living down to their stereotypes, they might actually take over the world someday.
  • If vampires really sleep during the day, sign me up.
  • If you are a vampire, then a vampire is not the creature of the legends.
  • If you need me I’ll be in my coffin.
  • If you’ve got it, haunt it.
  • Into every generation comes a vampire.
  • Is Blood The ‘Snickers’ Of The Vampire World?
  • Is she even Italian?
  • It was love at first bite.
  • I’d like to give fangs to all my friends.
  • I’m On The Necks Level.
  • I’m an energy vampire. I just suck off everybody’s energy. But I give it back.
  • I’m boo’d up.
  • I’m busy looking for my necks victim.
  • I’m fang-girling over here.
  • I’m going out to get a bite to drink.
  • I’ve always been a little batty.
  • I’ve got a bat idea.
  • I”m such a haunt mess.
  • Just Grabbing A Bite To Eat.
  • Just Suck It Up.
  • Just grabbing a bite to eat.
  • Let the flesh instruct the mind.
  • Like the weapons of the previous century, we, too, would become obsolete. Pity, because I lived for it.
  • Me Wearing Plastic Fangs: ‘Do Real Vampires Produce THIS Much Saliva?’
  • Merciful death. How you love your precious guilt.

Short Vampire Jokes for Instagram

  • My blood type is pumpkin spice.
  • New mask, who dis?
  • No garlic allowed at this party.
  • Now this is a role I can sink my teeth into!

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  • Of corpse I love vampires.
  • Orange You Glad I’m A Vampire For Halloween This Year?
  • People say I look like a vampire. I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not.
  • Sleep all day, vamp all night.
  • Sometimes, Love Bites.
  • Sorry, you just don’t seem like my Blood Type.
  • Sucks to be me.
  • Swish swish, witch.
  • Thanks For Always Creepin’ It Real.
  • The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him.
  • The vampire is an outsider. He’s the perfect metaphor for those things. He’s someone who looks human and sounds human but is not a human, so he’s always on the margins.
  • The vampire was real. It was only that his true story had never been told.
  • There are vampires and vampires, and not all of them suck blood.
  • There’s a whole vampire community online – those are some crazy people.
  • There’s no set-in-stone way to be a vampire, especially with the evil ones.
  • This Vampire Is Too Cute To Spook.
  • This is where the magic happens.
  • This vampire is too cute to spook.
  • Too gourd to be true.
  • Trick or treat yo’self!
  • Vampire Waiting for the sun to go down…
  • Vampire doesn’t see his image. Even less in the holy water.
  • Vampires Know How To Creep It Real.
  • Vampires are people too. They’ve got their own problems, they just drink blood.
  • Vampires are real skinflints, I’ve noticed.
  • Vampires occur everywhere, but in busy cities no one notices.
  • Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires … How avant-garde!
  • Vampires, real vampires, didn’t nibble on the necks of nubile young virgins. They tore people to pieces and sucked the blood out of the chunks.

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Best Vampire Captions for Instagram

  • Vanity, thy name is vampire.
  • Waking Up Bite And Early.
  • Wanna Fang Out?
  • Wearing More Outfits That Require A Cape.
  • What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman And A Vampire? Frostbite.
  • What’s up my witches?
  • When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers, I kind of wanted to be a vampire.
  • Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.
  • Witch better have my candy.
  • Witch, please.
  • With vampires, there is such a great tradition that you suddenly find yourself a part of. Each generation reinvents what that means to them.
  • You Know What You Should Be For Halloween? Mine.
  • You Say Vampire Like It’s A Bad Thing.
  • You can Count on me.

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  • You know what you should be for Halloween? Mine.
  • You mess with the bat, you get the bite.
  • You say vampire like it’s a bad thing.
  • You say witch like it’s a bad thing.
  • You want a love that consumes you, you want passion and adventure and even a little danger.
  • You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy… maybe one camera guy.
  • You won’t find a vampire in a Ford Fiesta.


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